Whitewater Unions, and a Toobin-Like Bathroom Mistake - Press "Enter" to skip to content

Whitewater Unions, and a Toobin-Like Bathroom Mistake

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Today I went to the bathroom while in a Google meeting with a colleague and forgot to turn off my camera. I kid you not. I remembered to turn off the sound, but I had switched to a different tab during the meeting and forgot about the video. After we ended the meeting, I recreated the whole situation to see what she might have seen. Fortunately, I had kept the light off, and I had perched my laptop on the sink so that you could only have seen me from the waist up. But if you were paying attention, you would have been able to tell I was in a bathroom.

Do I acknowledge this and apologize? Or do I pretend it didn’t happen and move on?

— Anonymous

One of the strangest aspects of this new normal is that our homes have now become our workplaces. Our colleagues now know far too much about our personal lives and the spaces in which we spend our time. They have access to intimacies we normally only share with our families and partners. When the lines between home and work are so blurred, accidents will happen.

I assume you weren’t trying to force your colleague to watch you use the bathroom because of some urinary kink. You were trying to multitask. This is embarrassing but harmless. I would pretend this didn’t happen and move on. You have no idea what she saw and to bring it up now would only make things unnecessarily awkward. Next time you absolutely have to go during the workday, triple-check that your audio and video are both off. Or, simply excuse yourself and leave your laptop where you work.

I work for a museum in New York, and I really enjoy what I do. With everything going on and so many travel restrictions, there are not a lot of tourists. Attendance has gone up a little each week, but it’s nothing like it should be. If our museum is going to survive we need more people to come in, and that’s why I feel like a hypocrite.

I know there are so many other museums and businesses that are in the same position, but on my days off, I can’t bring myself to leave my apartment. I don’t feel the need to risk exposing myself and others. At work, I interact with hundreds of people a day. I know we have put into place all the precautions we can, like temperature checks, mandatory masking, disinfecting and cleaning around the clock, but there is only so much you can do. I feel like I should do more to help support other museums in the city recover because I need other New Yorkers to do the same for me and my museum. I don’t know how to get over my own fears about being out in public when I don’t have to. Am I being too hard on myself?

— Anonymous, New York

You are being way too hard on yourself. You cannot single-handedly save New York museums — nor its restaurants or bookstores or galleries or coffee shops. Each of us can try to support as many local businesses as we realistically can, but the economic problems that businesses are facing cannot be solved by individual patronage. The crisis is a systemic issue that must be addressed by our city, state and federal governments.

Like most people, I miss going out, having a social life, spending hours in museums, going to movies and plays. I miss travel. I miss sitting in a bookstore with a new book I love so much I read half of it right there before buying it. We all miss the way things used to be. We all hope the places we love the most will make it through the pandemic. A great many of us are supporting as many GoFundMe campaigns as we can. We’re buying gift cards. We’re tipping extra when we get takeout. And despite these well-intentioned efforts, a lot of businesses and institutions we frequent and care about aren’t going to make it.

Nearly 250,000 people have died, and we have no clear sense of how high the toll will ultimately go. The truth of this moment is horrifying. We all need to grapple with it and recognize, as you note, that we can only do so much. Does this mean we surrender to apathy? No. You have to figure out how much risk you’re willing to tolerate. If you cannot bring yourself to visit a museum, consider buying a couple of memberships to use when there’s a vaccine. Give memberships as holiday gifts. Buy something from your favorite museum’s gift shop. But whatever you do, wear a mask when you leave your home, socially distance — and be more gentle with yourself.

Roxane Gay is the author, most recently, of “Hunger” and a contributing opinion writer. Write to her at [email protected].


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