“On Tuesday, Dr. Redfield told The Washington Post that ‘there’s a possibility that the assault of the virus on our nation next winter will actually be even more difficult than the one we just went through.’ And if you don’t remember how difficult this past winter was, it had Trump’s acquittal, the Australian bush fires, and ‘Cats: the Movie.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT discussing Dr. Robert R. Redfield, the director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
“And the idea of corona and flu hitting us simultaneously is terrifying, because that means we’re going to have to do double social distancing, we’re going to wear two masks, we’re gonna have to stay 12 feet away from people, we’re going to have to watch celebrities sing ‘Imagine’ twice.” — TREVOR NOAH
“These poor doctors working for Trump. If they don’t give us the truth, they’re not doing their jobs, but if they do tell the truth, there’s a good chance he’ll fire them, so their only option is to play dumb and hope Trump gets distracted by a Filet-O-Fish or something.“ — JIMMY KIMMEL
“So we just better pray that coronavirus is cured by pumpkin spice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Inspired by Stanley Tucci, Roy Wood Jr. offers the recipe for a new quarantine cocktail.